How Inner Hurts and Brokenness Affect Your Identity & Life Decisions

Many women are going through a hamster wheel trying to figure out why they cannot seem to get ahead in their career, personal life, finances, or life in general. It all comes down to one question. Have you dealt with that inner hurt or that traumatic situation that seems to keep holding you back? Often, in these situations you have experienced, it is easy to suppress what you do not want to confront. As the cliché goes, you cannot heal what you do not reveal.

A lot of times women develop what I like to call a false identity to cope with what is really going on with them. And in return, it affects their life decisions in major ways. You begin to make decisions from an instant reaction mode instead of a sound mind. You choose people and situations that bring chaos, anxiety, and stress instead of peace, love, and positivity. For example, you choose a certain type of guy because you think being with him will make you feel good about yourself, give you the love you’ve been longing for or the attention and status you have always wanted for yourself; whereas you actually choose him because he’s really a direct reflection of what is going on within you. A lot of times you choose a career path because of the title or amount of money, thinking this is what is going to finally define your self-worth, and you choose this move with the wrong intentions and motive.

What you choose to do, say, or how you choose to act daily reflects what is taking place on the inside of you. Your identity cannot be birthed, nor can you walk in your true purpose authentically until you have completely healed from your past. The longer you allow the hurt, broken and traumatic issues to lie dormant in you, the longer you stay at a standstill or a stagnant place in your life, and you continue to be blinded from your true purpose and identity. When you are in this state of mind, negative characteristic traits begin to develop such as depression, anxiety, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, rejection, inferiority, jealousy, and competitiveness. This type of behavior shows on your outward appearance no matter how much you try to hide it. You will know when you begin to heal because your decisions begin to reflect your healed self – you will begin to strive for a balanced life emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially, and you will begin to have healthy boundaries. Unhealthy thoughts and behaviors will begin to be broken and you will recognize that a healthy love will never have you compromising your standards or self-worth, or have you comparing yourself to others. A healthy love will help you recognize that hurt, trauma and brokenness is only what happened to you, and you no longer feel trapped by it anymore; you truly feel complete on your own. Self-care, Self-love, and Self-worth starts inwardly and shows outwardly, effortlessly.

About Author

Amber Johnson is a Beauty Coach, Columnist and Speaker. She is passionate about helping women overcome hurtful, traumatic areas in their life and helping them discover their true beauty from within.

1 Comment

  • Erma
    July 11, 2020 at 12:22 pm

    Excellently stated! I think that all of these points are superbly important for women of color because so many of us are often in the mindset of “keep things together at all costs.” All too often, the “costs” are the degradation of our souls and spirits.


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