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A Letter to Yourself During Your Healing Process: I am with you, through it all.

By Priyanka Hardikar
Image: Raw Pixel

Sometimes, we hurt for the things we could never have with the person we once wanted them with. We hurt for the happy ending that never existed with him. We hurt for ourselves, and for him, and for us. We hurt unexpectedly. We hurt longer than we predict we will. We hurt in ways we cannot express in words or within the range of our emotions. We hurt behind closed doors when the judgemental eye of the public fades away. We hurt in broad daylight, hidden in plain sight. We hurt somewhere so deep that every part of our body suffers in response. We hurt because we loved so hard that there will always be a part of us that cannot bear to let go completely.

But while we hurt, we also know this pain is not forever. It will pass, the way it has always passed, and we will survive it, together.

For a long time, I needed him — I needed someone — to tell me what I really just needed to convey to myself: I love you. No one can love you for yourself. No one can take away the pain of losing someone that you envisioned forever with. Some days, it will hurt more than other days. Some days, it will just feel like a faint and far away memory. Whatever it feels like today, notice it without judgment. Hold space for it — for yourself. Let it be. You do not have to fix anything. You do not have to change anything. You do not have to make a decision right now. You do not have to do a thing. Sometimes, all we really need is to pause.

Often, when we feel crushed, we think we can find answers outside of ourselves – in our friends or family, in an idol, in a stranger, but the truth is you already have everything you need within you. Any piece of advice or wisdom – any clarity you need – already sits within your heart. Let that guide you. The goal is to quiet the voices inside of you long enough to hear the soft, steady truth of your intuition, your inner voice. The truth is inside you and only you can reveal it when you are ready to.

I love that you are falling in love again and learning to move forward with your life after facing such heartache. But don’t forget to fall in love with yourself, too. To fall in love with your life, with every sunrise and every sunset, with every leaf that changes color or flower that blooms. Don’t be in such a hurry to move on, to forget, to stop hurting that you avoid processing past memories or emotions that require your time and attention. Remember that healing is not a linear process. You may think that you have processed something and still feel the sting of it when it resurfaces. So be patient with yourself and understand, accept, and embrace the journey that is your life. The highs and lows, the ebbs and flows, the pain and pleasure, the beauty and the terror, the love and the loss, the unadulterated joy and the extreme sadness. Life will always be full of contradictions and until you can learn to embrace both in your life, you will never be at peace with yourself or with the world you reside in.

Today I just want you to take it all in, to observe it as it is, without changing a single thing. To see your life as it is right now. Yesterday I was reminded that even though I’ve been doing less of what I used to do before, I’ve also been experiencing new things that have made me very happy. I am learning and growing and figuring out what I really need in this new season of my life. I am learning to listen to my heart, even when my fears make it difficult to. I am learning to find the strength to love without expectation, to love freely and without fear. I am learning what it means to not stand in the way of my own happiness. I am learning that even though the voices inside me may say differently at times, I deserve to be happy – however that looks like for me. And so do you. No one has the right to judge our version of happiness, our reality because at the end of the day, only we know what we truly need, and only we know what will set us free. 💖

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