5 Signs of a Potential Abuser

by Shawn Hill

crying-tearsYou know my mama always told me that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  The best way to get out of an abusive relationship is to avoid getting into one in the first place.  Here are 5 red flag warning signs that the person you maybe dating could be an abuser.

Isolates from friends and family.  In the beginning of the relationship you may think it is great that he wants to spend all his time with you.  Every hour and minute he wants to be around you.  He even suggests you miss outings and events with your friends and family to spend time with him.

Be very careful.  What this person maybe trying to do is isolate you.  He may be trying to cut off your support system so that he can become the center of your life.  He will probably even suggest that you miss church a few times just so you two can spend “quality time” together.  Remember GOD would not send you anyone that is going to take you further away from him.

Very charismatic and organized.  This guy is a real charmer.  He really knows how to lay it on thick.  He knows all the right things to say and just when to say them.  He really seems too good to be true.  He is also very detailed.  He wants to know where you are and when you will be going out.  He says it is just because he is concerned, but do not believe him.

He will use his charm as a bait to get you hooked.  Anyone can put on a front for a few months.  What you are seeing is not really him it is his representative.  The real person will come out later once you have been hooked.  Be careful when he seems to always want to know your location to the minute.  Also watch him buying you anything that will allow him to keep tabs on you.  Here let me just add you to my phone plan and save you some money.

Frequent put downs.  Even though he can be very charming he also wants to lower your self-esteem.  He will frequently tell you of all your faults in his effort to try and “make your life better.”  Even when you try to improve yourself, if it does not involve him or meet with his approval he will discourage it and encourage you to spend more time with him.

Talks down women in general.  Whether it is his mother, ex, co-workers or women in general he usually has something negative to say about them.  Now this is not a one-time incident.  These are overall conversations that show a pattern of this type of language.  He may never actually curse, but his overall impression of women in general is very low.  Except for you of course.

Do not fall for it.  Remember at one time he held these women in high regard as well.  Once you fail to live up to his standards he will place you in a category with them.  He will say that when your relationship started you did not act like all the others, but now you are.

Inflexible.  With these types of people there is little grey in the world.  It is black or white.  It is there way or the wrong way.  They are used to being in control so they will tend to make all the decisions.  They will even order your food for you, before asking you what you want.  They may say things like, “I just know you will love this.  Here just try it this once.”  This once becomes every time he takes you out.

Do not fall for these tactics.  When you see them early on in the relationship just get out of it.  Do not think it will change because it will not.  Do not look at that person as just someone who needs understanding because they do not.  They understand themselves quite clearly.  It is you who does not understand.  You cannot save the next victim that he runs into but you can save yourself.  Make sure that you do it and run away like your life depended on it, because at some point it just may.

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